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And so heres an update:

I'm finally getting my car...a wickedly sexy 1965 Volkswagen Beetle...I'm still unsure about what color to paint it...any ideas?

I have a nasty case of pink eye...it feels as though someone has poked my with a sharp flaming object right in my cornea.

I got a job...at coldstone creamery..I'll be whoring myself out for tips..

I can't sleep...and this insomnia leaves me awfully lonely in the wee hours of the night...

Hanging out with my bestest chum steven has done wonders...I adore him...

I want a girlfriend...or boyfriend...yeah thats right I said it...any takers?

Neuman is biting at my heels...I think its due to his empty food bowl...I gotta go.

you all can revel in my oh so entertaining life...right who am I kidding...
Current Mood: groggycrusty eyed
Current Music: Rufus wainright...
21 February 2006 @ 12:13 am
Yay for grandma's getting better from gout, and coming home to make some yummy yummy Puerto Rican Food. I've gone three whole weeks without her. Didn't think i could do it did ya? I didn't think so either....but poo on you nay sayers. A tremendous amount of good has come out of this though. I've become far more independent...and happy with myself as a person. So three cheers for that. Nothing could be more wonderful right now. I love where I'm at in my life...I take the bus all by myself, don't have to depend on anyone for a ride to school, I've met some pretty swell people at school, I'm an actually an asset to my family now, and not just some burden....do you know what it feels like to be this huge responsibility for someone else? For nearly 20 years???? Its a terrible feeling. Everything is kittens and rainbows for me....Well I'm off to bed. My sleeping pill is kicking in...I'm gonna fight it until the first episode of the golden girls is over. Toot-a-Loo.
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: "Going home medley"-Judy Garland & Bobby Darin
06 February 2006 @ 08:51 pm
I start school tomorrow...and have to take the bus...Although its very "New York" I'm almost certain that it shall lose its luster quite rapidly.

My grandma is going to be staying in the rehabilitation center for another two weeks.

I love the uber white version of "Boys in da hood"....maybe I'll do a white version of "Gin and juice"....I think it could work...

Was gonna eat a bowl of cereal for dinner...grandma called....flushed it down the toilet.

Kelsey seems to have has an oddly pacificying and calming affect on me, inducing a state of placid serentiy. It's weird really, almost all tension is gone after hanging out with her for over an hour. Also, watching the wizard of oz is oddly enthralling and enjoyable. Mix the two together or put them into juxtaposition(timewise) - and that's a pretty darn awesome combination

"Kelsey lets get our own apartment and completley furnish it with these awesomely hidious mexican figurines."

"Are you looking at your fruits? Yeah... Are you looking at your guava melon? I can't afford a guava melon."

"Even crackwhores are offerd jobs...but not me! NOT ME!"

Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: "The trolley song" Judy Garland
31 October 2005 @ 04:57 pm
I Heart my gramsies
So tomorrow is my birthday...they keep promising change but nothing has happened. What a mad world. I saw this boy wearing a top hat..and i wanted him to sing "A very merry unbirthday" to me...but i didn't have the nerve to ask...And he probably would have thought that i was making fun of him, when in fact i thought it was awesome....I need to get out of this place...wheres my magical mushroom? My white rabbit with a pocket watch?? I can't leave, I'd miss them all terribly. Happy Birthday to me
Current Mood: cream of mushroom soup
Current Music: "A thousand Beautiful things"- Annie Lennox
I hate it here because i feel so lonely, no one says whats on thier mind to your face, or in an obscure comment you have to pick through imagry for. No one says anything. This silence isnt beautiful, its terrifyingly painful. How come a child with monsters under their bed or in their closet gets a tuck in, a light turned on, a bit and reassurance, and all i get is silence...when i have the very same fear. i dont sleep anymore even when my eyes are closed for hours at a time. I'm always tired and the ones who are sleepless still dream.
Current Mood: poop
25 July 2005 @ 12:21 am
All of my days are mixing together like a child with finger paint. They all look so beautiful day by day, colour by colour but when you put them togehter it turns into a muddy brown and no longer can you decipher the beauty of the individual colours. Not only is it my days but i have come once again to the place where i cant pull my dreams out of my dream folder or my days out of my day folder, some one was playing in my systematically catagorized mind and dropped all my files into one pile on the floor. Lest to say all day i have been in a fog and quiet for fear i mention something that did not actually happen and people start wondering about me and how 'stable' i am once more. I absolutely hate all the wondering that goes on, the whispering that goes on behind closed doors but right now the whispering that i hate most is that sort thats scrawled in bathroom style graffitti on the back of my eyelids. The 'where were you's and 'what happened's all those things that eat at me incessently, all those questions i have no answers for. Answering to yourself is the hardest thing to do. I need something to keep me company. I miss my pets, when i had a pet things made sense... or rather at least when they didn't i could pull Batman out and watch him crawl all over my bed and do silly things and it gave me something to concentrate on. The antics of a crab. I need something like that again, something mine i can have just for me in the comfort of my room that doesnt try and run away, or commit sucide thats there 24-7. Somedays i want to crawl back into my phase where i wore black all the time and spoke to no one, then i wouldnt be so lonely. I'm going to have to start singing again... or doing something, im sick of feeling trapped in my mind. What happened to my poetry, my having a spirit that clawed at my insides until i couldnt sleep at all, until i was dripping poetry, until i spoke in verse, what happened to my singing until my lungs felt like they were bleeding, what happened to all that stupid stuff i did that left me collapsed and breathless on the floor? what happened to me?
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: "first day of my life"-Bright eyes
14 March 2005 @ 05:23 pm
Roses are red because I squeezed them and they bled...violets are blue because I choked, bruised them, too. A Hallmark card, morbid's poem, a glimpse at someone's twisted Wonderland. Be whatever you want to be, but only for tonight.
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: Loud talking
14 March 2005 @ 05:12 pm
To Chloe:
I'm sorry that I told you I would be your friend in the 3rd grade. The truth is, you were annoying, but you trapped me when you asked me straight out. I'm sorry that I invited you to my birthday party only because you asked my mom and that I told you it ended at 7 when it was really a sleepover.

To Valerie:
I'm sorry that I stole your mini troll doll when we were seven. Its crazy hair was just so cute that I couldn't resist. But stealing is wrong. I'm sorry I never told you I took it, and I'm sorry that I left it in my pocket when my mom did the laundry. Did you know that the hair on a troll doll will fuse together in the dryer and turn into an afro? Well it does. And I'm sorry you didn't get to see it.

To Mrs. Lithans, my kindergarten teacher:
I'm sorry that I always pretended to be sick in your class when I didn't understand an assignment. I don't do that anymore, I promise. I usually just laid on the little bed in the nurse's office staring at the Smurf poster on the wall until I thought it was safe to go back. I know you knew I was faking, and I'm sorry for not saying thanks.

To Martin, my first "real" boyfriend:
I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you that much. I really did like you, and I'm sorry I never told you that. We were both young and stupid. I'm sorry that I laughed at you when you carved my name into your arm with a protractor. But honestly, what were you thinking? And I'm sorry that I didn't kiss you when they locked us in his room with the lights off and Boyz II Men playing in the background. But that was just awkward...

To Steven, One of my bestest friends:
I'm sorry i wne tthrough that awkwrad stage and we hardly ever hung out because of certain people. I love you, and have come to the realization that I will always love you. I never have laughed so hard over our stupid little inside jokes "Que pasa Moostache?"....I'll let you do my makeup when I wanna look like a chola any day!!!!! Please, please...don't ever leave me.

To Kelsey the most awesomest girl on this flippen planet:
I'm sorry that we didn't start talking until my 12th grade year. I was too blind to see that you where the awesome one...even if you didn't have this nifty haircut and dressed like a boy. You amaze me...you're such a funny kid...and you're oh so clever....I smell like your mom.
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: "the window"-The Mars Volta
05 March 2005 @ 06:22 pm

describe yourself using bands and song titles only

Created by taylorb89 and taken 100 times on bzoink!

gender?I enjoy being a girl
describe yourselfI've seen it all
how do other people see you?Instant pleasure
how do you see yourself?Motherless Child
love life?Love ridden
what is your life like?Its oh so quiet
where do you want your life to go?Across the Universe
how are you feeling right now?Sombody's watching me
who is your idol and/or role moelMichael Jackson
what is your out look on life?Slow like Honey
what is life at home like?Heaven for everyone
favorte song of all time?Boehemian Rhapsody
favorite band of al time?The beatles
anything else you want to say?Give me the first taste

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Current Mood: dorkydorky
Current Music: Ti's and Irma's conversation